


flowers aren't made to bloom forever

by naegakwon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 5 Things, Angst, Break Up, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I Love You, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi is Whipped, Lee Jihoon | Woozi is Whipped, M/M, Mutual Pining, Wedding Night, Weddings, i love soonhoon angst, its not their wedding ouch, young jihoon and soonyoung as bffs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 23:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18041147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naegakwon/pseuds/naegakwon
Summary: jihoon always thought that he and soonyoung would be together for as long as time stands, as best friends, as lovers. soonyoung always had his back, was always there for him when jihoon needed him, was the one that brought the most happiness to his life. jihoon should have known better that nothing good ever last forever.orthe first 4 times soonyoung said 'i love you' to jihoon until the 1 time he doesn't





	flowers aren't made to bloom forever

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i was missing some soonhoon angst these days so here's some one-shot fic of soonhoon transitioning from the sweetest best friends, the love-struck boyfriends, to ill-fated strangers with memories. this was also inspired by a chinese idiom, 花无百日红, which means that no flowers can bloom for a hundred days, or good times do not last long. hope you enjoy the fanfic!

* * *

**no.1** — the first time jihoon heard soonyoung said 'i love you' was when he was only 6 years old, young and innocent

 

 

 

  
His mother had just dropped him off in his kindergarten when he heard a unearthly scream from someone behind him. Sure enough, young Jihoon whipped his head back only to see a blurry image of a boy dashing towards him screaming 'fairy' at the top of his lungs, frightening Jihoon out of his wits.

 

Taken aback by shock, Jihoon couldn't react quick enough as the boy collided into Jihoon with a force of a bull, while simultaneously trying to pull Jihoon in a hug, and unintentionally pushing both of them to fall roughly on the ground.

 

At that time, a sickening crunch coming from Jihoon's arm which supported his fall very well suggested that Jihoon broke his arm but the shock and the adrenaline from the fall and the boy overthrew it.

 

Right then, Jihoon could only think about the boy and the boy only. Young Jihoon could only stare widely at the messy-haired boy who then laid above him, slightly hovering so that Jihoon could only look at the boy's face.

 

Lying there on the ground, Jihoon unwillingly noticed every speckle and detail in the boy's face. He saw little freckles at the upperost part of his chubby cheeks, littering his cheeks like shimmering stars in the night sky. He noticed the little scar just above the boy's pink lips, wondering how he got it and willed himself to resist tracing the scar.

 

The boy's palms were beside the sides of Jihoon's face, whose limbs were too weak to move and mind too shocked to process. He was about Jihoon's height as he grinned incredibly wide seeing Jihoon below him.

 

He whispered a breathy 'fairy' as he smiled, showing off his tiny white teeth to Jihoon, who was still frozen to the core. Jihoon wondered if he had ever seen anyone as cute as the boy above him, all smiles and teeth, cheeks bulging to what looked like a scrunched up hamster's cheeks, eyes narrowing in a pointed stance, similar to the hands of a clock when it was 10:10.

 

The boy looked at Jihoon with wondering eyes as he seemed to marvel at the prospect of having a 'real-life' fairy beneath him, all small and cute.

 

He leaned down to Jihoon's ear and whispered a soft but fond 'i love you', before proceeding to immediately place his entire weight on Jihoon as he hugged Jihoon tightly, his hair entering Jihoon's gaping mouth as Jihoon tried to spit it out disgustingly.

 

Still, Jihoon couldn't stop the heat from piling at his cheeks and ears as he felt flustered by the boy's actions.

 

He knew his face was burning red in embarrassment as he tried to shove the boy away, wanting to cover his face and run away from the situation.

 

However, a flare of sharp pain shoot out his arm when he placed pressure onto it, causing him to let out a shout in pain. Almost immediately, the boy released Jihoon and quickly stood up and away from Jihoon, eyes shaking in fear. 

 

Jihoon was gripping his arm tightly, trying not to move it as he winced at every step he took towards the school. The boy then seemed to snap out of his trance as he rushed forward to the departing Jihoon, trying to offer his help to the obviously in pain Jihoon, but was kicked away by the latter.

 

He ended up repeatedly apologising to Jihoon all the way until the school's medic bay, feeling and overpowering sense of regret and remorse for hurting a 'fairy'. The boy said that he 'hope that fairy won't be angry' at him, in which Jihoon with his limited vocabulary repeatedly muttered 'stupid'.

 

And by the end of the day, with his arm all bandeged up and put into a makeshift cast while waiting for the ambulance to come, Jihoon learned that the boy that shoved him was named Soonyoung.

 

☆

 

 **no.2** — the second time jihoon heard soonyoung said 'i love you' was when he was 9, proud and annoyed

 

 

 

 

They became incredibly close and eventually entered the same primary school, where they hang out 24/7 in each other's company. On one incredibly clear day, they were out (trying to) cycle along the park near their homes as Jihoon attempted to teach Soonyoung how to cycle.

 

And Soonyoung, being the clumsy boy he was, couldn't get on his bike that he rented without falling down. Needless to say, Jihoon was annoyed. He had been cycling ever since he could walk, so cycling was the easiest and most natural thing ever to him. It infuriated him that Soonyoung couldn't even get on the bike even with the training wheels.

 

"Soonyoung, just sit on the bike for god's sake. I'm holding it, there's training wheels so you don't need to balance just sit!" Jihoon exclaimed in frustration, face red with exertion.

 

Jihoon ended up standing there helping Soonyoung get on the bike for a good 40 minutes under the heat of the sun in his biking gear that Soonyoung mirrored. Jihoon was hot, sweating and irritated. It wasn't normal for Jihoon to feel this way, but that day, Jihoon was fuming.

 

When Soonyoung finally sat on the bike, Jihoon thanked the gods and encouraged him to pedal to finally get moving after 40 minutes of remaining at the same spot and looking like idiots.

 

And when Soonyoung finally moved on the bike, Jihoon couldn't be happier as he whooped in joy, legs couldn't wait to pedal his own bike along with Soonyoung's. (finally!)

 

Just as Jihoon reached his bike, in the split second of not keeping his eyes on Soonyoung, he heard a crash and a piercing screech coming from someone who sound very similar like Soonyoung.

 

Jihoon immediately panicked as he ran to the source of the screech, only to find Soonyoung stuck in a ditch beside the path he was meant to cycle on. "Holy– Soonyoung are you okay?!"

 

He was answered with a grunt of pain from Soonyoung as Jihoon hurriedly stumbled down the ditch, almost slipping on the way down, wanting to reach Soonyoung as fast as he could in case he was severely injured.

 

All the previous emotions of intense irritation and anger were discarded, now Jihoon could only think of Soonyoung, Soonyoung in pain, Soonyoung was injured.

 

Once Jihoon reached him, he flipped Soonyoung over onto his back only to see blood. The scream that Jihoon released was positively ear-deafening.

 

Fumbling, Jihoon lifted Soonyoung's head up from the dirty ground and laid his head on his lap as he struggled to find the wound that caused the amount of blood to gush out.

 

Jihoon's heart was pounding incredibly fast, eyes slightly tearing up at the scene as he tried to compose himself to tend to Soonyoung.

 

Turns out, it was a gash on his thigh between his biking guards and Jihoon thanked god (again) it wasn't Soonyoung's head instead.

 

Grabbing a handkerchief from his pocket that he always carry around, he tied it around the gash on Soonyoung's thigh, enticing a groan from soonyoung in pain that Jihoon winced at.

 

"I'm so sorry Soonyoung-ah, I should have taken better care of you. It's okay, I got you now, just... hang on a little while okay?" Jihoon managed to speak out as he felt the lump of guilt building in his throat and tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

 

After managing to get the help of a passerby, Jihoon managed to drag a very heavy soonyoung (at least to Jihoon) out of the ditch he dropped into as he laid Soonyoung down on the path gently.

 

Using the phone that his mum had so generously lended, Jihoon called the ambulance frantically as Soonyoung occasionally let out groans of pain.

 

"Hold on, you'll be okay. Help is on the way." Jihoon constantly comforted Soonyoung as he brushed the long strands of Soonyoung's hair off his face, giving him a little smile.

 

After what seemed like an hour to Jihoon, the ambulance finally came and the staffs laid Soonyoung out on a stretcher before carrying him on the ambulance.

 

Jihoon held Sooonyoung's hand the entire ride through from the park to the hospital, eyes already spilling tears upon seeing the pain Soonyoung was going through.

 

The guilt consumed him from the inside, crawling up to his throat and resulted in a chocked Jihoon, all red with remorse and overwhelmed feelings.

 

Once they reached the hospital, the nurses prepared Soonyoung for stitching as Soonyoung whispered to Jihoon.

 

"Will it be pain?"

 

Jihoon just nodded slightly, biting his lips anxiously as he squeezed Soonyoung's hand as a form of comfort.

 

"I'll be right beside you the entire way."

 

Soonyoung forced a smile on his face as he gripped Jihoon's hand tightly.

 

"Thanks, I love you Jihoonie." Soonyoung whispered, which resulted in a pink face, red ears Jihoon, flustered and ashamed.

 

Eventually, it took 17 stitches and a whole lot of shouting from Soonyoung until the doctor drugged Soonyoung half way to stop his screaming for the gash in his thigh to be fully stitched up.

 

Later on, when Soonyoung was conscious and their parents arrived, Jihoon and Soonyoung received harsh scolding from their parents, including "Jihoon why didn't you take care of Soonyoung properly?!" and "Soonyoung you clumsy child, you should have stayed on the path to cycle!"

 

Eventually, they ended grounded for a week and Jihoon remembered the feeling of Soonyoung's warm hand on his and vowed _never_ to let Soonyoung be in pain ever again.

 

☆

 

 **no**. **3** — the third time jihoon heard soonyoung said 'i love you' to him was when he was 13, young and bold.

 

 

 

 

Soonyoung had already discovered his talent in dancing and Jihoon envied him for his passion in dancing and his skills.

 

He always thought that Soonyoung looked the most fascinating when he was dancing because he just had that focus in his eyes and the fluid yet sharp movement of his body made Jihoon want to combust and _die_.

 

Jihoon on the other hand, didn't know much of what he was interested in, other than some singing and composing, and felt dumb that he didn't pursue his interests with much vigour, like Soonyoung.

 

Yet, he still took on occasional dance classes with Soonyoung just to see him dance, all sweaty and smiles, chest always heaving tiredly. It's times like this Jihoon felt like he could accomplish anything, with Soonyoung by his side.

 

Undoubtedly, with Soonyoung's dancing madness, he easily attracted tons of girls from their school and became the one of the popular kids that was worshiped by both males and females. Jihoon was no exception, but he held certain pride being Soonyoung's best friend.

 

Luckily for Jihoon, even though Soonyoung became very popular, he didn't ditch him to hang out with the popular kids and instead, dragged him to sit with them during lunch and Jihoon soon realised that they were actually nice and easy to talk to. They were all funny and charismatic, it was hard for Jihoon to find a reason to dislike them.

 

However, much to Jihoon's displease, Soonyoung also easily attracted enemies since he was so popular. Jihoon wouldn'tbe surprised if Soonyoung was the one that created the word 'jealousy'.

 

Those kids were older by them one year and were very, very much buffer and bigger than two scrawny kids and they seem to, for some reason, pick on Soonyoung endlessly. (Although Jihoon thought that he would have been the one being bullied)

 

The bullying didn't seem to affect Soonyoung that much as he would always brush it off or laugh it off saying it was nothing whenever Jihoon asked about it.

 

But when Friday came and the end of school approached, news travelled fast that a fight had broken out and Soonyoung was involved.

 

Jihoon knew then that 'nothing' meant a whole lot.

 

So when Jihoon arrived at the fight scene, he was greeted with the sight of Soonyoung and those two bullies punching and kicking one another. Although Jihoon had to give credits to Soonyoung for being lean and quick to his feet, Jihoon couldn't help but realised that Soonyoung was losing badly. (Why was no teacher there???)

 

Soonyoung looked horrendous to Jihoon, with a spilt lip and a black eye and multiple purple-lish bruises that made him looked like he was ran over by a car. Yet, Soonyoung managed to put out a brave smile, similar to a lazy smirk as he wriggled his fingers to beck the two bullies forward, provoking them even more.

 

Jihoon felt his heart clenched tightly at the sight of Soonyoung in pain. He didn't like it knowing that someone as pure and kind as Soonyoung was put in pain by others. He just didn't like to see Soonyoung in pain.

 

But Jihoon couldn't wait to hit Soonyoung after the fight, for lying to him and acting like everything was okay. As much as Soonyoung wanted to act strong, everybody, especially Jihoon, knew Soonyoung wouldn't win this fight.

 

So, Jihoon decided to end it before it got too far. He jutted in and pushed the bully, while he was in the middle of punching Soonyoung, away roughly as he kicked the other in the balls. He huffed as he placed his hands on his hips, feet tapping on the floor insistingly as he glared at the bullies like a miniature teacher.

 

"Stay away from Soonyoung, you bullies, or I will deal with you. Got it?" Jihoon gave the bullies a warning as he gritted his teeth in anger.

 

Jihoon didn't actually believed what he said would have got the bullies off Soonyoung's back but somehow, maybe the punch he gave was super hard? or the kick in the balls was very memorable? But either way, it got them to back off from Soonyoung for the rest of the school year and that made Jihoon pleased.

 

Soonyoung thought that Jihoon looked positively enchanting protecting him from the bullies. And he knew it wasn't the punch or the kick that frightened them off, but it was the look of plain murder in his eyes that Soonyoung somehow found himself falling for.

 

Who wouldn't fall for a guy so sweet whowas willing to protect you from some bullies by wanting to kill them?

 

So when Jihoon attempted very hard to piggyback Soonyoung to the medical bay, Soonyoung couldn't help but whisper in Jihoon's ear.

 

"Thanks Jihoonie, I love you loads."

 

Which only resulted in a blushing Jihoon, ears all pinking up as he tried to hide his embarrassment but covering it as anger, often muttering some curses about how stupid Soonyoung were.

 

In the end, Jihoon ended up with a sore back after the whole ordeal as he complained to Soonyoung about it, saying he 'owned him' and that he should be 'very very thankful' for having him in his life.

 

Soonyoung didn’t see any lie in that statement and proceeded to hug Jihoon and called him 'hero' for the next 2 weeks, resulting in a non-stop blushing Jihoon for the next 2 weeks.

 

It was then when Jihoon realised that he would sacrifice himself anytime in order to protect Soonyoung from whatever hurt anybody threw in his way.

 

☆

 

 **no.4**  — the forth time jihoon heard soonyoung said ‘i love you’ to him was when he was 16, awkward and loving.

 

 

 

 

It was that time of the year again, wonderful winter. As usual, the school always host the Winter Formal, an event insanely popular among the students for its amazing selection of music, delicious spread of catered food to feast on and the chance given for the students to ask their crush to dance.

 

Just weeks before the Winter Formal, there were countless of decorations plastered all over the school's compound.

 

It gave Jihoon a headache looking at them, all in his face, as if mocking him of his inability to get a date to the dance. He found it annoying how people used the Winter Formal to see who was popular and compete with each other who could get the most invite.

 

Jihoon just wanted to stay at home and snuggles under thick blankets with a bag of chips to munch on as he watched endless anime and movies. He wanted to invite Soonyoung to come over his house and relax like they always do, just him and Soonyoung.

 

But Soonyoung was the biggest fan of the Winter Formal Jihoon ever knew. If the girls in his school was excited, Soonyoung was _obsessed_.

 

Every year, months before the Winter Formal, Soonyoung would, without fail, start fantasizing over the ball, which meant that Jihoon would have to listen to the excited rants about the ball.

 

Soonyoung was the opposite of Jihoon, always pumped up for the Winter Formal, often helping out with the planning and decorations for the ball, while Jihoon always had a distaste for the ball, hating the idea of such an event.

 

Despite this, Soonyoung always dragged him along, often getting Jihoon involved on way or the other.

 

“Jihoonie! Can you help organise the playlist for the Winter Formal? I think your music taste is perfect for the ball!”

 

Jihoon _tried_. Jihoon tried with all his inner will to say no to Soonyoung, to simple reject him. But in the end, Jihoon always ended up helping Soonyoung.

 

He ~~has~~ definitely does not have a soft spot for Soonyoung.

 

Like all the Winter Formal, Soonyoung would ask out girls in their school to be his date. It would change, every year, and that year would be no exception.

 

“Hoon-ah! Do you think this is pretty?” Comes in Soonyoung’s voice as Jihoon looked up, seeing the boy with a mini flower bouquet, tinkered with flowers of all colours.

 

Jihoon nodded, cheeks pinking a little at the view of Soonyoung holding a bouquet of flowers, just like it was for him. Shaking his head a little, he snapped out of his thoughts as he sighed, knowing the bouquet was probably for the girl Soonyoung would be asking out.

 

“I’m going to give it to Chaeyoung, I really hope she would be my date to the ball!” Jihoon grimaced at the sight of Soonyoung grinning stupidly, eyes sparkling at the thought of dancing with the girl, who Jihoon suddenly has a dislike for.

 

“Alright, wish you the best of luck,” Jihoon managed to mutter out as Soonyoung gave him a tight hug, tinting Jihoon’s eat to a deep red.

 

Jihoon pushes Soonyoung off him, trying to act nonchalant despite his small smile.

 

“Get off me you big baby.”

 

Soonyoung just gave him a salute as he skipped off to where ever the girl, Chaeyoung, was. Jihoon rolled his eyes, ignoring the slight pain of his heart seeing Soonyoung go.

 

It was hours later when the news travelled to him, slowly becoming the talk of the school.

 

“Did you see Chaeyoung turning Soonyoung down? Damn, it’s even caught on tape. So embarrassing!”

 

Jihoon couldn’t believe it. Soonyoung had never been rejected before, this was the first time. Knowing him, Jihoon knew Soonyoung was probably taking this harshly, so as soon as the bell rang, he rushed to find Soonyoung.

 

Just as he expected, Soonyoung was sitting alone at the staircase connecting the school to the roof. They had discovered it together on accident, before deciding on it being their ‘safe spot’, safe from others, just them.

 

Jihoon quietly squatted down, taking a seat next to Soonyoung’s huddled body. He looked so small and weak, a stark contrast of his normal self, on where he was always so loud and cheerful. Jihoon frowned, a sense of pity overcame him, causing him to wrap his hands around Soonyoung, hugging him tightly.

 

At the contact of Jihoon, Soonyoung started crying, letting out quiet and controlled sobs that cause his body to shake and shiver. Jihoon just petted his back gently, actions louder than any words he could say right now.

 

It took Soonyoung a good 10 minutes to calm down, and when he looked at Jihoon, the latter could only hear his heart beating wildly in his chest, clenching in pain seeing Soonyoung so hurt.

 

“Guess I won’t be going to the ball this year.” Soonyoung let out a quiet and pained laugh, before smiling sadly at Jihoon, “Kinda sucks.”

 

Jihoon didn’t know what overcame him, took him by the ass and left him staring in shock at the words he sputtered.

 

“I’ll go. I’ll be your date.”

 

Hell, Jihoon doesn’t even know whether Soonyoung was gay. He might have just screwed his relationship with Soonyoung up. Perfect.

 

To his surprise, Soonyoung began smiling, so widely that his eyes disappeared to his signature 10:10 shape, before letting out a hearty laugh.

 

“Are you serious Jihoonie? Yes! Holy crap– yes! I would love if you went to the Winter Formal with me as my date!” Soonyoung couldn’t help but giggle with glee as he took Jihoon’s hands in his.

 

Jihoon couldn’t stop his blushing, no matter how much he tried to shove it down. But seeing Soonyoung so happy, he couldn’t help but smiled too.

 

After Soonyoung calmed down again, this time from his exhilaration, he leaned down to place his head on Jihoon’s shoulder, chest heaving heavily as he whispered, “Thank you, Jihoonie. I love you.”

 

That caused Jihoon to shove him away in embarrassment, face burning red as he stood up awkwardly, rushing out of the staircase with Soonyoung behind his heels, chasing after him fervently.

 

On the day of the Winter Formal, Jihoon had never felt so at ease and happy with Soonyoung, he actually enjoyed his time there. Though there were times when he just wanted to go home, Soonyoung’s smiles at him like he was the brightest thing in the entire function made him stay.

 

Throughout the event, Jihoon underwent through countless of dancing, awkward small talks with people, some nice hand-holding with Soonyoung in attempts to calm him down, and the unmissable soft utters in his ears that Soonyoung never fails to mention “Thank you, I love you.” 

 

☆

 

 **no**. **5**  — the fifth time jihoon heard soonyoung said 'i love you' to him was when he was 18, hot and sweaty.

 

 

 

 

The room was dark and stuffy, with the occasional sound of moans and groans filling the room. Wet sounds of lips smacking each other and tongues swirling around in each other's mouth echoed in the dark room. Hands roamed each other's body, both too in awed to be rough.

 

"F-fuck, Soonyoung," Jihoon groaned out as Soonyoung grinded his lower half on Jihoon's, both moaning at the delicious friction produced.

 

Jihoon let his hands wandered around Soonyoung's larger frame that covered him almost entirely, hands creeping under his shirt, feeling his warm and muscular back flexing as Soonyoung mercilessly rutted his hips above him.

 

Jihoon tilted his head back, mouth forming an 'o' shape to release a silent moan as Soonyoung gently bites his sweet spot just under his jaw, leaving hot kisses down Jihoon's neck, before tapping on Jihoon's arm to remove his shirt.

 

Jihoon's torso immediately felt cold without the presence of Soonyoung's hot body above him, but in a matter of few seconds, he was engulfed with Soonyoung's bare body, the warmth radiating from him. Soonyoung made his way down Jihoon's body, gently leaving kisses as he went further down.

 

Needless to say, Jihoon was an uncontrollable moaning mess. The kisses and the heat was just too much for him to take.

 

When Soonyoung reached his pants and started palming his crotch, Jihoon could not stop his desperation and hurried to get rid of his pants, pushing Soonyoung away to shimmy out of his pants, before pulling Soonyoung closer than before.

 

Soonyoung had begun to nip at his inner thighs, slowly, touching everywhere but the place Jihoon needed him to touch the most.

 

"S-Soonyoung, hurry up," Jihoon whines out, eyes rolling back when Soonyoung finally pays attention to his already leaking dick. Soonyoung let out a breathy giggle, fingers slipping his underwear down and releasing Jihoon's dick from its constraints before palming the sensitive head of his dick, enlisting another whine from Jihoon.

 

"Someone's in a hurry," Soonyoung mused, as if he weren't affected by the whole situation itself too, but carried on with his actions, using the pre-cum to ease the slide of his hands better, pumping Jihoon fast and relentlessly.

 

Jihoon arched his back in pleasure as he groaned at the friction given by Soonyoung’s rough hand, feeling waves of delicious electricity coursing through his body.

 

Soonyoung leaned forward to give a deep kiss to Jihoon, pulling his body closer as he kept pumping Jihoon. When Jihoon pulled back to release a guttural moan, Soonyoung picked up the pace, knowing that he was on the edge of coming, already feeling the way how his legs were slightly shaking from the intense pleasure, allowing Jihoon to finish hard and fast.

 

Jihoon moaned as he gripped on Soonyoung’s shoulder tightly, his body shuddering as he reached his climax, feeling a sense of relief and exhilaration, like millions of fireworks bursting in his chest.

 

Seeing Jihoon’s face so full of pleasure and knowing that it was because of him, Soonyoung felt his heart pounding so hardly in his chest with love.

 

“I love you Jihoonie, so much,” Soonyoung mumbled, face pulling into a smile as he pulled Jihoon’s body under him, arms caging his head as he kissed Jihoon again, this time deeper with a sense of rush that left Jihoon in euphoria.

 

Jihoon could feel the thousands of butterflies in his stomach as he kissed Soonyoung back with all his might, legs wrapping around Soonyoung’s waist, hands reaching upwards to ruffle Soonyoung’s messy hair in endearment.

 

Soonyoung broke the kiss, only to draw his mouth towards Jihoon’s neck, leaving a light kiss there, before moving down and down, leaving more light kisses on Jihoon’s body that left him whimpering at the soft kisses.

 

Each time Soonyoung left a kiss on Jihoon’s body, he muttered a small phrase of how much he loved Jihoon’s body.

 

“I love your neck.”

 

“I love your chest.”

 

“I love your thighs.”

 

And when Soonyoung went back up to face Jihoon, he stared at Jihoon with eyes that rake his entire face, capturing every detail into memory, so full of love and adoration that made Jihoon smile uncontrollably.

 

“I love all of you Jihoonie,” Soonyoung said with a small smile on his face, “You’re perfect in every way.”

 

Jihoon just blushed heavily under Soonyoung’s scrutiny and mumbled so softly that Soonyoung almost didn’t hear. “Shut up, you’re too sweet.”

 

Soonyoung just grinned cheekily as he pecked Jihoon’s cheek. “Only for you Ji.”

 

Jihoon rolled his eyes at the nickname in fake annoyance as his smile grew wider. Flipping the both of them around, Jihoon managed to get on top of Soonyoung and straddled Soonyoung, eyes hooded with a sparkle of mischief in them.

 

He trailed his fingers down Soonyoung's chest, teasing and light as he circled them around Soonyoung's perky nipple, and gave them a light kiss. 

 

"How about I return the favour?" Jihoon asked suggestively as he wriggled his eyebrows as seductively as he could, feeling the obvious bulge in Soonyoung's boxers, as he palmed it, eliciting a drawn out moan from the said man.

 

Soonyoung's eyes were half-lidded, heavy with lust and need that sent shivers down Jihoon's back.

 

Jihoon felt Soonyoung's hands smacking his hands off his boxers as he tugged it off, releasing his dick from his boxers, trying to be oblivious of the obvious stare that Jihoon was giving it.

 

Feeling too desperate and whiny already, Soonyoung could only lean back, arm placed over his face as he gestured for Jihoon to get on with it. "Do it already."

 

Jihoo only grinned cheekily as he leaned down, shuffling a little bit to get into a much more comfortable position as he pecked the head of Soonyoung's dick, all lovingly and sweet, before taking it in his mouth in one, long suck.

 

The moan that Soonyoung released after gave Jihoon the affirmation that he was doing good, and Jihoon couldn't stop the low chuckle that left his throat, sending pleasuring vibrations up to Soonyoung's dick. 

 

"God dammit, Jihoonie, it feels s-so good," Soonyoung groaned up as he started to thrust in Jihoon's mouth slowly, getting used to the sensation of Jihoon's tongue, his mouth, his everything.

 

It wasn't until Jihoon begun pushing Soonyoung's waist up to force him to go deeper did Soonyoung begun to lose control. He couldn't help rocking in faster and deeper, moaning at the sensation of Jihoon's tongue licking the underside of his dick languidly, sending shocks down his back in pleasure.

 

Before he knew it, he was coming, arm pressed tightly over his mouth to prevent any loud groans from escaping, as he felt his cum spurt out in Jihoon's mouth, who was so willing to accept it all down his throat as he reached his euphoria.

 

Coming down from his high, Soonyoung felt Jihoon crawled up back to him again as he saw Jihoon's shy smile.

 

Jihoon leaned forward to give Soonyoung a sloppy kiss, tongue swirling with Soonyoung's again, before Soonyoung pulled back with a irked out face.

 

"Your mouth smells and tastes like cum and dick," Soonyoung wrinkled his nose as Jihoon rolled his eyes, pulling Soonyoung close to him again.

 

"It's your dick idiot. Be grateful I gave you head," Jihoon muttered out softly, fingers pinching Soonyoung's cheeks softly, leaving a slight red mark on it.

 

Soonyoung just smiled in retaliation as he pressed his body flushed onto Jihoon's leaning forward to connect their foreheads together as he stared slightly cross-eyed at Jihoon, whispering "I know, you make my heart want to burst out of my chest Jihoonie. I love you."

 

Soonyoung only got a small smile from Jihoon before he was dragged on top of Jihoon once more, lips reconnecting with each other, with more vigor than before.

 

The rest of the night was spent in sweat and pleasure, each showing how much they love each other. Eventually, when both came down from their high, they snuggled against each other, relishing in the heat of their bodies together as Soonyoung whispered a thousand more ‘I love you’s to Jihoon’s ear.

 

☆

 

  **no.** **XX** — the time jihoon heard soonyoung said ‘i love you’ to someone else, not him, was when he was 24, alone and empty

 

 

 

 

It was the big day. Jihoon buttoned up his suit as he looked into the mirror, hair all gelled up neatly. His black suit, paired with black pants were styled with a flower pin on his right chest, just above his heart.

 

A beautiful, rich color of pink, a color that used to always donned on Jihoon's cheeks whenever he got flustered or embarrassed. Now, his cheeks were just cold, freezing to the touch, tinged red from the freezing wind.

 

Taking a deep breath, Jihoon questioned himself, whether the wedding was the right choice. He could be lying in bed, nursing his broken heart and eating chips, but somehow, he still found himself all dressed up and ready to go to the wedding.

 

The wedding he and Soonyoung were supposed to have.

 

The wedding, where Soonyoung would be married to a girl.

 

The wedding, where the remaining few pitiful pieces of Jihoon's heart would crumble into dust and be blown away.

 

It was so cold outside, but he couldn't miss the wedding for the world, especially knowing that it would be the last time he would see Soonyoung ever again.

 

Jihoon checked his appearance in the mirror once again, warily eyeing the prominent dark circles under his eyes, the sunken cheeks that made him looked like a skeleton.

 

He didn’t looked like the healthy and happy Jihoon he was two years ago. Letting out a tired sigh, he finally left his apartment, hailing a taxi to bring him to the wedding venue.

 

Throughout the ride, Jihoon could not stop thinking of Soonyoung and Soonyoung and Soonyoung. The first time they met, the first time they kissed, the first time they exchanged their loves, the first time they made love and the first time Jihoon felt like he belonged.

 

And to think all of that gone was gone in a split second.

 

Soonyoung's father always disagreed with their relationship. He was homophobic in short and blamed Jihoon for 'turning' Soonyoung gay. He was the one that called the brakes in their relationship and forced Soonyoung into a marriage with a girl to curb his 'gayness'.

 

Soonyoung being Soonyoung could not say no. Even when Jihoon begged him profusely and cried for him to stay, desperately shoving the broken pieces of his hearts to Soonyoung's hands, wanting him to take them and mend it like he always do, to take _him_ and heal _him_. But Soonyoung didn't even looked back.

 

You could say that Soonyoung was a daddy's boy.

 

Jihoon cried so much the next few weeks, knowing that his best friend, his soulmate, his lover was no longer his. His heart broke into parts no longer identifiable as he had never borne so much pain over losing someone important to him like him losing Soonyoung.

 

Jihoon ached for everything to be part of a sadistic dream, a nightmare, where he would wake up the next day and Soonyoung would still be right there, laying beside him in bed, cuddling him when he gets cold, making a delicious breakfast that Jihoon would wake up to in the morning.

 

But alas, life is not a fairytale.

 

Reaching the wedding venue, Jihoon stepped out of the taxi, hands stuffed in his pockets as he took in the surrounding. Countless of flower bouquets were littered at the entrance, a huge banner announcing the marraige was hung on the ceilinng.

 

Stepping into the place, Jihoon saw plenty of tables and chairs set up, heard classical music playing in the background and wedding pictures of Soonyoung and his fiancée displaying on a screen, so full of happiness and love that seemed to mock Jihoon's very existence.

 

Seeing their loving pictures on the screen and Soonyoung's smiling face, Jihoon wondered if he was really happy without Jihoon– with her. Soonyoung's smile was so bright and sincere that Jihoon had a growing doubt that Soonyoung's love for him was even real.

 

Jihoon chose to stand awkwardly at a side, not comfortable to sit down with relatives and friends of the couple, but not willing to leave.

 

Soon, guests were all seating down and talking to one another, laughter filled the place, which made Jihoon felt even more small. He kind of regretted his decision to come. What was he thinking? But the wind outside is chilling, and Jihoon rather stay inside, warm and lethargic.

 

He seemed to lost track of the time, for the amount of guests coming in was too many to count and the smiling pictures of Soonyoung and his fiancée was getting too much for him to handle, so he just quietly stared at his fingers, fidgeting non-stop.

 

A sudden trumpet fanfare rang through the place, which startled Jihoon out of his thoughts, back straightening upright as he looked towards the source of the sound.

 

There, he sees a few people, wearing white, but he finally sees Soonyoung. If Jihoon had to be honest, Soonyoung looked good. A slight stubble, white suit with a similar flower pin and a big smile on his face. He aged well, in the span of the 2 years Jihoon didn't see him, and somehow, Jihoon felt repulsed at the fact that Soonyoung seemed to be doing so well without him.

 

Seeing Soonyoung on the platform, ready to be married to someone that isn't him just hurt Jihoon badly. With burning eyes, he wondered if the pain would ever go away.

 

As the priest announces Soonyoung, soft music started to play as the bride walked in, veil and all. She was so stunning, Jihoon felt so ugly and small compared to her. He felt too pale, too short, too disgusting for Soonyoung. Maybe Soonyoung preferred her soft curves compared to his hard surfaces.

 

Soon enough, once the bride reached the alter as well, the rings were brought out. Soonyoung did not hesitate to grab the bride's ring as he stated his wedding vows, before sliding the ring on the bride's finger, an action Jihoon had been fantasizing about on him ever since he liked Soonyoung.

 

"I, Kwon Soonyoung, take you, Kim Yeseul, to be my beautiful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. With this ring, I'll give you my heart; I promise from this day forward, you shall not walk alone, for my heart will be your shelter and my arms be your home."

 

Jihoon felt his eyes tearing up, heart feeling immense resentment as he stopped himself from shouting: you were mine first! 

 

He kept his eyes on Soonyoung, unwilling to look at anything else but Soonyoung, as he took in his features and how happy he seemed as the bride, in return, slid his ring onto his finger.

 

The priest then announced them as husband and wife, as cheers broke out, cheering for them to kiss.

 

Soonyoung only shrugged happily as he circled his arms around her, just like the way he used to circle his arms around Jihoon to give him a tender hug, leaning forward to give his wife a deep kiss. Whoops were heard all around Jihoon as everybody clapped for the new couple.

 

Once they broke apart, Soonyoung smiled as he waved towards the crowd. He shouted an 'I love you' to his wife, pumping his fists in the air as a sign of victory, enticing even more people to cheer along.

 

Another stab to Jihoon's heart it was. Stab, stab, stab, _stabs_ that would leave permanent scars on his heart, impossible to erase, impossible to heal.

 

Soonyoung always said 'I love you' to him only.

 

As Soonyoung glanced through the crowd, he made eye contact with Jihoon. He held it there, seeming shocked seeing the presence of Jihoon there at his wedding.

 

Jihoon saw guilt in his eyes, guilt for leaving Jihoon, guilt for breaking Jihoon's heart, guilt for not giving the life Jihoon always wanted.

 

Secretly, Jihoon hoped Soonyoung could see his anger, his frustration, his sadness and the pain he had brought upon Jihoon. Was Soonyoung aware of how hurt Jihoon was when they broke up? Did he know how important he was to Jihoon? Was Jihoon not important to him?

 

Countless of accusing questions floated in his mind as he felt the lump in his throat grew bigger. But somehow, despite all this, Jihoon couldn’t bring himself to hate Soonyoung.

 

Why. _Why_ couldn't he just hate Soonyoung. If he did, he wouldn't be suffering this much pain, wouldn't have came here and watch his love married to someone else, with no chance to intervene. Everything would be easier if Jihoon could just hate Soonyoung.

 

Smiling painfully, Jihoon waved a little at the shocked Soonyoung, giving him the last farewell, for they would never meet again. Despite the crushing feeliing in his chest, Jihoon sincerely hoped that Soonyoung would enjoy his married life with his new wife and that he would live blissfully for the rest of his life.

 

After all, Soonyoung's happiness is Jihoon's happiness.

 

Soonyoung then seemed to break out of his shock, hands immediately grabbing forward like he wanted to go to him, but his hand was intertwined with his wife’s, holding him back and that brought him back to reality.

 

Jihoon could see Soonyoung’s panic-stricken face, as if Soonyoung wanted to grab him before Jihoon disappeared for good. He seemed to dawn on the fact that Jihoon would never return back in his life, both as a lover and a best friend and the look in his face broke Jihoon even more.

 

Without breaking eye contact, Jihoon mouthed the words that he had been treasuring during his time with Soonyoung.

 

“I love you.”

 

Soonyoung visibly gulped at that as his eyes flickered down at his wife for a moment before flickering back to Jihoon. And for one moment, Jihoon thought he saw his Soonyoung, the Soonyoung that loved him.

 

But his Soonyoung was now married to the woman standing next to him, his ring and their intertwined hands more than blaring evidence that he was no longer Jihoon's. His Soonyoung was gone forever, Jihoon now knew that.

 

Jihoon felt his heart squeeze tightly in his rib cage as he took one last look at Soonyoung, a look that conveyed all the emotions whirling in his heart, leaving a complex puzzle behind, before turning around and started walking swiftly out of the venue. 

 

Stepping out, Jihoon relished in the piercing cold wind of the negative degrees winter, tears finally streaming down his face as his small body convulsed with crescendoing sobs. And in that moment, Jihoon realized how much he preferred the cold over the warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading the fanfic! hope you enjoyed it and if you did, please leave some kudos and comments, it'll cheer me up a lot! have a nice day!


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